Self-Portrait

The other day, I tried to do some selfie portraits to save money on hiring a photographer. I was going for authentic, looking like me. The experience reminded me how difficult it is to get a good portrait. I’d know. I’ve had three different professional photos taken in the past three years.

My buddy René took the first one. He’s a photographer, and several times over the years has done me the favor of snapping a new photo. (Well, I’d have to pester him about it first.) He took a photo in 2018 that was definitely me.

But I decided that one was too formal. So I got a new, more down-to-earth photo done, this time by a friend of a friend. It was good, but it wasn’t me. So I went back to that 2018 pic.

Then Keith, a photographer friend of the family here in Colorado, offered to do another photo. It was wacky. But that’s me!

What I take away from this story is, deep down, I know when a photo is really me, whether I’ve accepted that me or not. (I’m working on it!)

René Perez, 2018

Keith Brenner, 2021

This whole thing calls up for me how we don’t see ourselves clearly for whatever reason.

So how do we find that photo? It’s really hard for most of us. You’re stuck on parts you want to change, aspects you hide. And you can't zoom out to see the big picture.

But it’s there. This dorky photo Keith did is definitely me. Even if I have to step into her, and step out of this other image I have of myself.

Metaphorically speaking, looking like yourself starts with your own inner self-portrait. This is about more than photos. It’s knowing.

We humans don’t create that image. We’re already here, whole, wondrous, complete.

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